H'wood Bad Boy's Fruit Fiasco

Hollywood: Hollywood Bad Boy and hip hop mogul, Bort Lee Dingle flew into a rage in front of a swanky LA coffee shop last night. Paparazzi were on hand to witness the "Eels In A Shoe" star's rant which began around 7:30 pm. Apparently Dingle was upset at another customer for eating dried fruit in his presence. Dingle is allergic to dried fruit, his publicist says.

Dingle was seen storming from the coffee shop, yelling and taunting the paparazzi, flipping the bird and removing his jacket, before he was whisked away in a black Escalade with an unidentified friend.

Slinderhogg: The End of Hangovers.

White Plains, NY: Maltby Slinderhogg considers himself many things - volunteer crossing guard, blogger, NBA fan - but he never seriously considered himself an inventor. For three months now, Slinderhogg has been meticulously tinkering with a substance that he claims will cure the Hangover. The ingredients are a carefully hidden secret. Slinderhogg explains, "It's for if (inaudible) and then you feel good more".
The 42 year old has been experimenting in his Aunt's basement apartment, and keeps his test elixirs in snapple bottles. Each one is labeled differently, some with cryptic symbols or drawings, others with magic marker, and some filled with cigarette butts. If there is a method to Maltby's madness, he is the only one who knows about it. You may be wondering how he tests his variations. Without willing participants - his Aunt being too old, and his friend Mike who "works all the time" - Slinderhogg is his own Guinea pig. "Some nights ill drink twelve (beers) or my aunt gets me Malibu," he explains, "then ill mix oysters and vitamin water, or two different flavors of vitamin waters, and ill try it, and then ill see how I feel."

Maltby's Aunt Patrice, who is 80 years old says she is proud of her nephew, but wishes he had finished college at Pace University. "He's a good kid, I don't ask much of him, just to help with the walk when it gets icy." Aunt Patrice also expressed a dislike for her nephew's friend Mike, whom she says "..parks his car all over the street."

New York Issues Guidlines for Ticker Tape Parades

New York City, New York: The city of New York has issued new guidelines for what can and cannot be tossed from highrise windows during a ticker tape parade. These guidelines come after the city announced that the New York Giants will be paraded down Broadway on Tuesday after their Super Bowl XLII win over the New England Patriots. The city decided to outline a plan after the New York Yankees ticker tape parade in 2000, as office workers were tossing chairs, coats, coinage and other heavy objects from windows. Arrests were made during that parade after officers were pelted with McDonalds cheeseburgers and nuggets, cassette tapes, underwear, Bialies, motorcycle parts, fig newtons, earthworms and thimbles.

You can view the plan at www.nyc.gov, or by calling 311, and saying, "garbage toss" when prompted.